My Worst Beating

Today I saw a post on Instagram about the worst beating you have ever received and what prompted it so I thought I would share mine with you guys. This actually isn’t the worst beating but it definitely tanks top 5 of the beatings I received from my mum. Growing up, my dad was the good cop and my mum…well she was my mum.

To digress a bit, I’m Yoruba and my parents believe in instilling culture and traditions into their children and so they rarely spoke Yoruba to my siblings and I but my paternal grandmother lived with us until I was 15 and she didn’t speak or understand English so all conversations with her had to be in Yoruba. So the Yoruba I speak and understand today is all thanks to my parents’ conversations with my grandma.

And now back to my story, my dad loves education so much that after school I had extra lessons at home thrice a week with my lesson teacher and family friend. Uncle Ade as we fondly called him liked to think of himself as an overqualified and underemployed individual.

Uncle Ade was always frustrated and the only reason he took us extra lessons was because he needed the money. He was always cranky and waiting for my mum to prepare dinner so he would eat. I didn’t like him very much and because Uncle Ade was our family friend he would often visit on days he wasn’t teaching, just to eat (he was a foodie and a very stingy one at that).

One evening he came visiting as usual, my mum was in the kitchen and I was alone with him in the sitting room, he proceeded to try to teach me the alphabets in Yoruba, I told him that I wasn’t interested because I already knew how to speak Yoruba. He laughed and asked me to say something in Yoruba to which I responded, “ma a gba e leti” which translates to “I will slap you” and that was how Uncle Ade said “wa gba” (come and slap), so I did o.

I followed instructions and slapped Uncle ‘free food’ Ade, he stood up and went to report to my mother. She came out of the kitchen and beat the Yoruba out of my tongue, she beat me so much that night all I had for dinner was sleep.

This was one of the many beatings I received from my mum, so guys feel free to share your stories of the worst beating you ever received and what prompted it.

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